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One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

Well, its been a loud silence regarding my one year no dating challenge. Many people keep asking if im still at it and i have finally decided to write.

First, I am still at it. Admittedly, the past two months have been the hardest. Not only in terms of no dating but also in other aspects of my life. But before I go further, I would just like to let it be known that I thank myself for the day i decided to dedicate the year to improving myself. It opens your eyes to faults and weaknesses that you didn’t even realize you had, as well as opening your eyes to amazing talents that you didn’t realize were staring at you.

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Month 4 was an interesting blend of self discovery and intense temptation. Have you ever committed yourself to refrain from something and all of a sudden everyone around you wants to invite you to do exactly that? That was my 4th month. From old flings coming back full swing to taunt my newly acquired self control, to old crushes reappearing to confuse my emotions. I’m only human so it took every ounce of willpower i could muster to carry on with my 1 year voluntary pilgrimage. A few slip ups here and there but if I could move on, lets not dwell on that. As the month ended I realised that i never really knew them( the past men in my life). I was content with having someone to fill the gap that i didn’t bother to really know people. I missed out on the best side of them.

One of the things that has developed subconsciously during this challenge has been the ability to have meaningful conversations and to really connect with people. It was a skill I didn’t realize I lacked or  needed. I’m amazed at my newly acquired ease at conversing with people. Previously quite socially awkward, I sort of found my voice.  Sometimes we go through life unaware that we are listening to a voice that is not ours. We try to fashion our persona from a voice we think is “appropriate”. Never quite comfortable with the sound of our own voices. I’m not sure how many people can relate to this but if you do, then you can understand my elation at finally being comfortable with my own voice. Finally comfortable with my own opinions, with my own persona, with my own way of thinking, with my quirky personality. It is a continuous work in progress but i am well in and moving forward.

An interesting thing happens once you start really talking to people. They introduce you to an aspect of yourself that you did not realize you portrayed. Few realize that the way we see ourselves is hardly how others see us. You may be oblivious to the natural charm that you exude and send conflicting messages to an onlooker when you start doubting yourself and showcasing “closed” body language. I always thought i was an introvert, shy and socially awkward. What i have discovered in the past few months was that my supposed introverted shy persona was my romanticized description of my insecurities. Ever heard of an ambivert? That’s my personality. I have never felt so at home with a label as i did when i stumbled upon ambivert. An ambivert possesses both extrovert and introvert tendencies. Comfy and happy in social circles but also relishes alone time. Totally me.

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Month 5 was a defining moment career wise and mentality wise. I hit my lowest low and gathered myself from the floor from scratch. It is a month I never want to re-live in my life. Ever! But oh boy did i learn. First i had it laid to me in plain daylight that although im talented, i cannot achieve anything substantial if i work in an autopilot robotic manner. I appreciated that talk. Having the truth laid bare is not a privilege i or anyone should take lightly. Sometimes we walk through life with our heads stuck too far up our asses to realize the folly of our ways. That was me and after i had sense slapped into my system from life and a boss who decided to talk to me because he didn’t want to see such potential go to waste, I knew something had to give. Something had to change drastically. You never really know that you have a sense of entitlement until you do. It’s just that simple.

This post has turned out to be a little too long but those two months have been such an eye opener that i couldnt help it. One more thing happened. I had my heart broken. How does a person who is not dating get their heart broken? Simple. My hopes were dashed. Ever had that person you thought was prince charming disappoint you so heavily that its’ no longer sad but funny? Yea. That happened. Im glad it did. I was sort off making myself perfect so that i could have him after the year is over. Don’t look at me like that. We all do silly things in the name of love. I know better now. This girl is growing up fast.

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2014 in One-year dating challenge

 

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Boiling Under- Nothing is just what it seems

Sometimes at work, I feel this extreme hostility in the relations between people and I am left to wonder why. At times from the surface view, things appear to be a little exaggerated and I conclude that maybe I’m just working with a bunch of eccentrics who can’t seem to get along. I’m not one for gossip or rumor mongering but I seem to attract a lot of people to pour out their hearts to me. Maybe it’s my cool exterior or just my smile. I don’t know. I will brainstorm on my charm later. ( I don’t mean to brag 🙂 )

Well, at the restaurant, we have a manager (assistant manager to be specific) who thinks that her God sent mission is to irritate those people that she doesn’t like or have an actual or imagined problem with. You see I thought that she was just the type that has PMS all round the clock but now I just know that she thinks the world owes her something and is late in paying up. Thus she sees it fit to vent her life’s frustrations on innocent co-workers, who in this case are blessed with very sharp tongues. Therefore they do not and will not go down or mistreated without a big and really messy fight. Sometimes I think I was thrown smack right in the middle of world war infinity.

As a management trainee there, I find this working environment a tidbit intimidating because how in the world do you try to run a business when all that is flowing through people’s minds is drama and more drama? To add salt to all that, no one respect the above lady manager. For a just reason as I learnt yesterday. You know when they say that it is critical to keep a clear cut line between your personal life and your work life? Believe me its more than critical. It is the only way to avoid sticky situations, especially if you find it hard to keep your pants on. Back to my story now. The above lady manager had no qualms in stealing the husband to one of the waitress working at the restaurant. I am in no place to judge morality for I too am not perfect but what happened to discretion or even downright shame?  You can imagine all the chaos that must have caused. Plus the resultant lack of respect for the lady manager by all people. I mean, I wasn’t there when all that happened but even before I got the back story, I had noticed that no one regarded her authority in the way that that they revered the operations manager.

I am there to learn. And so far, I have learnt how to behave as well as how to never ever behave if I want to get anywhere in life. Plus I’ve come to learn that nothing is ever as it seems. There is always a back story boiling under.

 
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Posted by on August 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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