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The Perfect Stranger

The Perfect Stranger

Just the other day, I met a guy. Very easy on the eye, well spoken, friendly and with a quick humor. His eyes were kind and his demeanor pleasant. A five minute conversation was all it took to get invested. The kind of people who feel like long time friends after a brief run in at the water cooler. Can’t help but wonder if I existed in another life, and they were part of it. Not just a part of it, but a pivotal part of it. Novels allude to this phenomena but we are prone to dismiss it as artistic license until it happens to you. Until you meet that perfect stranger and you are both in tune. Aware of the synergy of your beings as you keep up the small talk. And with a final glance you walk away secretly wishing for the chance to ‘bump’ into each other again.

It happens once in a while and more often than not, the second meeting does come. Then the third, and the fourth and countless others follow. As you both write your story, the ending entirely up to you. But, what if tomorrow never comes? What if the glance you shared as you walked away was the last you’d ever have? What if that perfect stranger will remain just that? Forever? What if fate never gave you the chance to make more memories?

Life is fleeting and time is a gift. A gift that we sometimes take for granted because we assume that we have tonnes of it left. While we are unwittingly close the end of road. Just one more step to the end. When young people our age die, why do we get so shocked? Why are we taken aback while we all know that death is our ultimate destination? Because we thought we have time. We have a time-bound existence and yet we crave eternity. The sand in the hour glass trickles down every fleeting moment and yet we choose to postpone most of our lives for a later day. An eventual moment in the future when we will finally do what we yearn or say what torments us.

So what of my perfect stranger? I just got the news of his demise. A road accident took him. Just like that. He was here and now he’s not. Like a trailer that never evolved into a movie. I think of what could have been and I become sad. The words that I wanted to say or the jokes I had already made up to share with him. When you meet a perfect stranger and never cross paths again, you secretly live with the hope of bumping into them. But if you learn that fate took them to a place that they can never feel again, you get crushed. I met him for 5 minutes so i feel that i don’t have the right to grieve. Yet I grieve. I grieve for his friends who loved him, for the family that lost him, for the roads he left untraveled, for the moments he left unexplored. I grieve for the lost of chance.

Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, to do what you will. Life is a rotating wheel so live it to the full before the momentum dies down and the wheel stops moving.

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Posted by on September 3, 2015 in Philosophical me

 

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One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

Well, its been a loud silence regarding my one year no dating challenge. Many people keep asking if im still at it and i have finally decided to write.

First, I am still at it. Admittedly, the past two months have been the hardest. Not only in terms of no dating but also in other aspects of my life. But before I go further, I would just like to let it be known that I thank myself for the day i decided to dedicate the year to improving myself. It opens your eyes to faults and weaknesses that you didn’t even realize you had, as well as opening your eyes to amazing talents that you didn’t realize were staring at you.

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Month 4 was an interesting blend of self discovery and intense temptation. Have you ever committed yourself to refrain from something and all of a sudden everyone around you wants to invite you to do exactly that? That was my 4th month. From old flings coming back full swing to taunt my newly acquired self control, to old crushes reappearing to confuse my emotions. I’m only human so it took every ounce of willpower i could muster to carry on with my 1 year voluntary pilgrimage. A few slip ups here and there but if I could move on, lets not dwell on that. As the month ended I realised that i never really knew them( the past men in my life). I was content with having someone to fill the gap that i didn’t bother to really know people. I missed out on the best side of them.

One of the things that has developed subconsciously during this challenge has been the ability to have meaningful conversations and to really connect with people. It was a skill I didn’t realize I lacked or  needed. I’m amazed at my newly acquired ease at conversing with people. Previously quite socially awkward, I sort of found my voice.  Sometimes we go through life unaware that we are listening to a voice that is not ours. We try to fashion our persona from a voice we think is “appropriate”. Never quite comfortable with the sound of our own voices. I’m not sure how many people can relate to this but if you do, then you can understand my elation at finally being comfortable with my own voice. Finally comfortable with my own opinions, with my own persona, with my own way of thinking, with my quirky personality. It is a continuous work in progress but i am well in and moving forward.

An interesting thing happens once you start really talking to people. They introduce you to an aspect of yourself that you did not realize you portrayed. Few realize that the way we see ourselves is hardly how others see us. You may be oblivious to the natural charm that you exude and send conflicting messages to an onlooker when you start doubting yourself and showcasing “closed” body language. I always thought i was an introvert, shy and socially awkward. What i have discovered in the past few months was that my supposed introverted shy persona was my romanticized description of my insecurities. Ever heard of an ambivert? That’s my personality. I have never felt so at home with a label as i did when i stumbled upon ambivert. An ambivert possesses both extrovert and introvert tendencies. Comfy and happy in social circles but also relishes alone time. Totally me.

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Month 5 was a defining moment career wise and mentality wise. I hit my lowest low and gathered myself from the floor from scratch. It is a month I never want to re-live in my life. Ever! But oh boy did i learn. First i had it laid to me in plain daylight that although im talented, i cannot achieve anything substantial if i work in an autopilot robotic manner. I appreciated that talk. Having the truth laid bare is not a privilege i or anyone should take lightly. Sometimes we walk through life with our heads stuck too far up our asses to realize the folly of our ways. That was me and after i had sense slapped into my system from life and a boss who decided to talk to me because he didn’t want to see such potential go to waste, I knew something had to give. Something had to change drastically. You never really know that you have a sense of entitlement until you do. It’s just that simple.

This post has turned out to be a little too long but those two months have been such an eye opener that i couldnt help it. One more thing happened. I had my heart broken. How does a person who is not dating get their heart broken? Simple. My hopes were dashed. Ever had that person you thought was prince charming disappoint you so heavily that its’ no longer sad but funny? Yea. That happened. Im glad it did. I was sort off making myself perfect so that i could have him after the year is over. Don’t look at me like that. We all do silly things in the name of love. I know better now. This girl is growing up fast.

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2014 in One-year dating challenge

 

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The tragedy of a half-hearted life

A great tragedy befell our country just last week when terrorist unleashed unknown terror to innocent shoppers at the Westgate mall. I was heartbroken and I even felt slightly guilty because I was busy having fun at the Safari Sevens rugby tournament as others were in anguish. But let me not lie, the rugby series was loads of mad fun! I had a great time and scream my voice hoarse.
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Many people are outraged that there were prior intelligence reports on the impending attack and yet no one took any measures. I will not join the bandwagon that is pointing fingers and rebuking the government. Although the Government deserves every bit of scolding that they could get, I chose to take a more personal approach to this Westgate issue.

The take home lessons from this unfortunate incident are numerous. But the story that broke my heart and brought me to tears was that of the president’s late nephew and his late fiancée. A love wrought in heaven ending in a way so tragic. Two hearts destined to mesh together for life until death do them part. Little did they know that they would live to fulfil that vow even before they took it. Child hood friends who eventually fell in love just two years ago and had the type of love that few only dream about. The type that would inspire the most beautiful poetry and songs. Sort of divine in fact. Call me emotional but I’m even tearing up as I write this.
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The president’s nephew, Mbugua, had just left his aunt’s house to announce the great news of their engagement and upcoming wedding before heading to Westgate to do some shopping with his fiancée. They were seated in one of the restaurants having Lunch before the terrorists struck. Mbugua died trying to shield his fiancée from the spraying bullets. The post-mortem shows that they died from bullet shots at the same spots on the chest indicating that they were embracing as they had their last moments. They were together even in death. Their impulse was to hold on to each other come what may. Close even when they knew that the end was neigh. Mbugua’s selflessness and bravado is reminiscent of a Kenyan Romeo and Juliet. A love so deep, that not even death could scare you.

I want to have that. I want to have someone who will love me so deeply that he would give his all for me. I want to love so sincerely that I can’t imagine my life without him. I want the same intensity. I want unbridled passion and devotion. I want what they had. How many times in life have you done something with so much intensity that if you stooped you’d get hurt by the sheer force of inertia? Our half-hearted approach to all of life’s’ dealings is our very undoing. Never really fully committing to a particular thing. Always saving a part of you for some unfathomed future that never seems to come. It’s the tragedy of living an experiment at a time, as opposed to a day at a time.
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It’s more common than not, that we are constantly holding back. Sometimes it’s because of insecurities, laziness, passiveness, mediocrity, complacency or simply fear. It’s a daily tragedy when we live our lives half way always waiting for that elusive non-assured future. What if tomorrow will not come? What will they say about you? Will they remember you for your passion or be underwhelmed by your lack of enthusiasm?
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I want to live with so much drive that it could tire me out. I want to live so passionately that I cannot dare to waste time on trivialities. I want that. It’s a great tragedy to live a life half-wit and only experience a glimpse of what life could be. Life is a self-made story and it will read exactly what you write in it daily.

As Mbugua Mwangi and his fiancé, Rosemary Wahito, were laid to rest next to each other, they will stand as the mark of the power of love, the beauty of commitment and the intensity of devotion. Your lives were short lived but your legacy will live on in the hearts of many. I may not have had the pleasure to meet you, but I will surely have the honour of immortalizing your legacy. RIP.
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Posted by on September 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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