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The Perfect Stranger

The Perfect Stranger

Just the other day, I met a guy. Very easy on the eye, well spoken, friendly and with a quick humor. His eyes were kind and his demeanor pleasant. A five minute conversation was all it took to get invested. The kind of people who feel like long time friends after a brief run in at the water cooler. Can’t help but wonder if I existed in another life, and they were part of it. Not just a part of it, but a pivotal part of it. Novels allude to this phenomena but we are prone to dismiss it as artistic license until it happens to you. Until you meet that perfect stranger and you are both in tune. Aware of the synergy of your beings as you keep up the small talk. And with a final glance you walk away secretly wishing for the chance to ‘bump’ into each other again.

It happens once in a while and more often than not, the second meeting does come. Then the third, and the fourth and countless others follow. As you both write your story, the ending entirely up to you. But, what if tomorrow never comes? What if the glance you shared as you walked away was the last you’d ever have? What if that perfect stranger will remain just that? Forever? What if fate never gave you the chance to make more memories?

Life is fleeting and time is a gift. A gift that we sometimes take for granted because we assume that we have tonnes of it left. While we are unwittingly close the end of road. Just one more step to the end. When young people our age die, why do we get so shocked? Why are we taken aback while we all know that death is our ultimate destination? Because we thought we have time. We have a time-bound existence and yet we crave eternity. The sand in the hour glass trickles down every fleeting moment and yet we choose to postpone most of our lives for a later day. An eventual moment in the future when we will finally do what we yearn or say what torments us.

So what of my perfect stranger? I just got the news of his demise. A road accident took him. Just like that. He was here and now he’s not. Like a trailer that never evolved into a movie. I think of what could have been and I become sad. The words that I wanted to say or the jokes I had already made up to share with him. When you meet a perfect stranger and never cross paths again, you secretly live with the hope of bumping into them. But if you learn that fate took them to a place that they can never feel again, you get crushed. I met him for 5 minutes so i feel that i don’t have the right to grieve. Yet I grieve. I grieve for his friends who loved him, for the family that lost him, for the roads he left untraveled, for the moments he left unexplored. I grieve for the lost of chance.

Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, to do what you will. Life is a rotating wheel so live it to the full before the momentum dies down and the wheel stops moving.

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2015 in Philosophical me

 

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The Truth About The One Year No Dating Challenge; Unveiled

The Truth About The One Year No Dating Challenge; Unveiled

I’m back. I wasn’t gone anywhere in particular besides hiding behind a veil. I had pledged accountability but I decided to take the easier route. Silence. Silence slits like a knife because it’s implication is loud(ironic) and clear. Silence speaks right to the soul as words form themselves from the pulses of night. Silence is the weapon of choice when words cannot save you. But silence is also the bounty of the cowardice.

I did not finish the one-year challenge. (I like to rip the bandage right off) I got to month 9 and my hormones got the better of me. More accurately, I let them get the better of me. Hormones do not posses the ability to hold a gun to your resolve and yet they did. I helped set the gun in place. I rushed and I fell in supposed love and the vow to myself was broken. Just like that. Was I disappointed? Yes? But I lied to myself that it was worth it. It’s the folly of humanity. We fail ourselves more than we would care to admit and we blame fate for our misfortunes.

The very premise of the one year challenge is to get to a place where we are absolutely comfortable with ourselves that we are ready to allow someone else into our lives. But what if your inner self scares you? What if the silence, the questions, the fears, the tears all frighten you to avoidance? What if your past taunts you and you don’t want to relive the horror? What if your mind needs the release but you are afraid of what will be left if it does? Is there enough of you left after all the junk is gone? Is there an exit left or are all exists tightly sealed out of a habit of building walls?

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Scaling up walls you have created for years is no easy task. Nor is finding the courage to tear it down and let your heart bleed it’s way to wellness. But if we do not do it or learn from our past, we are bound to be stuck in the same hamster wheel and run in circles forever. Once we refuse to pause, reflect and learn from situations, they are bound to repeat themselves. Worst of all, when we rely on ourselves to change us we er. It’s like trying to shine windows with a floor rug. Bishop T.D Jakes said that how can you possibly give yourself to someone if you do not even know what you are giving? How also can you pick a helper suitable for you if you do not know yourself enough to realize what is suitable or not?

11 months later with a heartbreak to boot, I am back to square one. I shall not lie and say that I shall start the challenge again but what I am determined to do is to find the lesson in the mess. The lesson I had missed in the first place that led me back to square one. I thought that I had found what I was looking for but sometimes a wish list is just that. A wish. We may be delusional in what we think we need in life. I know I shall have a spectacular life and for this reason I wish to find a partner in crime. I shall not settle on my idea of ideal but I shall pray that God will reveal to me the full potential of the girl he packed in this small frame. Have you ever felt a sense of predestination that scares you? A sense of destiny that overwhelms you? I do, and I frankly hope that my life turns out just as awesome as it is in the dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night.

To all those who are doing the challenge, keep at it. Don’t let your desires get the better of you. You are stronger than you think. Plus, friends are your gift from God. Cultivate friendships that are true. Treasure those who care for you and grow a support system that will hold you up when you are feeling down. When you stray and your friends still come to your aid, hold on to them. Such friends are rare. Everybody is consumed by their own problems that they forget to reach out to others. Better yet, be a great friend. Because life is not about about what you have but whom you have. You may fall and it’s alright. Cry and do what you must, then rise back up again. Because everyday is a chance to start again. To start a new journey.

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One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

Well, its been a loud silence regarding my one year no dating challenge. Many people keep asking if im still at it and i have finally decided to write.

First, I am still at it. Admittedly, the past two months have been the hardest. Not only in terms of no dating but also in other aspects of my life. But before I go further, I would just like to let it be known that I thank myself for the day i decided to dedicate the year to improving myself. It opens your eyes to faults and weaknesses that you didn’t even realize you had, as well as opening your eyes to amazing talents that you didn’t realize were staring at you.

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Month 4 was an interesting blend of self discovery and intense temptation. Have you ever committed yourself to refrain from something and all of a sudden everyone around you wants to invite you to do exactly that? That was my 4th month. From old flings coming back full swing to taunt my newly acquired self control, to old crushes reappearing to confuse my emotions. I’m only human so it took every ounce of willpower i could muster to carry on with my 1 year voluntary pilgrimage. A few slip ups here and there but if I could move on, lets not dwell on that. As the month ended I realised that i never really knew them( the past men in my life). I was content with having someone to fill the gap that i didn’t bother to really know people. I missed out on the best side of them.

One of the things that has developed subconsciously during this challenge has been the ability to have meaningful conversations and to really connect with people. It was a skill I didn’t realize I lacked or  needed. I’m amazed at my newly acquired ease at conversing with people. Previously quite socially awkward, I sort of found my voice.  Sometimes we go through life unaware that we are listening to a voice that is not ours. We try to fashion our persona from a voice we think is “appropriate”. Never quite comfortable with the sound of our own voices. I’m not sure how many people can relate to this but if you do, then you can understand my elation at finally being comfortable with my own voice. Finally comfortable with my own opinions, with my own persona, with my own way of thinking, with my quirky personality. It is a continuous work in progress but i am well in and moving forward.

An interesting thing happens once you start really talking to people. They introduce you to an aspect of yourself that you did not realize you portrayed. Few realize that the way we see ourselves is hardly how others see us. You may be oblivious to the natural charm that you exude and send conflicting messages to an onlooker when you start doubting yourself and showcasing “closed” body language. I always thought i was an introvert, shy and socially awkward. What i have discovered in the past few months was that my supposed introverted shy persona was my romanticized description of my insecurities. Ever heard of an ambivert? That’s my personality. I have never felt so at home with a label as i did when i stumbled upon ambivert. An ambivert possesses both extrovert and introvert tendencies. Comfy and happy in social circles but also relishes alone time. Totally me.

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Month 5 was a defining moment career wise and mentality wise. I hit my lowest low and gathered myself from the floor from scratch. It is a month I never want to re-live in my life. Ever! But oh boy did i learn. First i had it laid to me in plain daylight that although im talented, i cannot achieve anything substantial if i work in an autopilot robotic manner. I appreciated that talk. Having the truth laid bare is not a privilege i or anyone should take lightly. Sometimes we walk through life with our heads stuck too far up our asses to realize the folly of our ways. That was me and after i had sense slapped into my system from life and a boss who decided to talk to me because he didn’t want to see such potential go to waste, I knew something had to give. Something had to change drastically. You never really know that you have a sense of entitlement until you do. It’s just that simple.

This post has turned out to be a little too long but those two months have been such an eye opener that i couldnt help it. One more thing happened. I had my heart broken. How does a person who is not dating get their heart broken? Simple. My hopes were dashed. Ever had that person you thought was prince charming disappoint you so heavily that its’ no longer sad but funny? Yea. That happened. Im glad it did. I was sort off making myself perfect so that i could have him after the year is over. Don’t look at me like that. We all do silly things in the name of love. I know better now. This girl is growing up fast.

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2014 in One-year dating challenge

 

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Tell Her…

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Tell her you love her, or let her go
Tell her you want her, oh please say so
Tell her you need her, affirm her soul
Tell her you love her, and have her whole

Tell her she is the one
Tell her you are falling deeply
Tell her what she wants to hear
Tell her and have her eat off your hand

Play with her love strings
Switch up the rhythm or toss it into the sea
Dance with her emotions
Tango to the heat of the moment
Enthrall her with your aura
Engulf her in intensity

Give her what she wants
Show her what she needs
Be her undoing
Brake her inhibitions.

For one moment in time,
Help her forget it all.
Make her melt in awe.
Giver her an never ending summer.
Her knight in bright shining armor.

 
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Posted by on April 22, 2014 in Poetry

 

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Life Lessons From A Movie

Life Lessons From A Movie

I’m not your average movie buff who’s on the heels of new Hollywood releases and always has an up to date movie library. Nope. I am that friend who comes for your movie collection and binge watches them on a weekend or on days that I would rather be indoors and chill. I’m the binge movie buff. The movie fanatic with no regard for release timelines. As long as it’s a great story, I don’t really care if the movie was produced by Flinstones.

During a recent binge, I watched the movie ‘Internship’. A movie where two sales men lose their jobs in an economic downturn and they have to look for a new career path. In their middle ages, the men’s skills are irrelevant and archaic in the technological age. One of them stumbles upon an internship call from Google and they get into the program after an incredibly entertaining Skype interview and a few convenient lies. They rise against insurmountable odds to become the winning team and eventually joining the amazing Google team. An incredulous mix of sugar, spice and great laughs, you ought to watch the movie if you already haven’t.

Sometimes life is like a car ride. It can be smooth and fast. But sometimes, you can be thrown out of the windshield and get a nice couple of stitches to remind you of the time your head almost split in two. But will that stop you from getting back on the wheel and driving on? Hell no. Life moves on. So If life moves on, what is the need of getting back on half-hearted, walking on egg-shells and walking half scared of your own shadow? If you got to do it, do it with all you got. Do it as if it’s the last thing you will ever do.

This was my take away lesson from the movie. It spoke to a part of me that has been receiving some major reality check in the past few days. Few people get the chance to have reality spelt out for them. Few people have the privilege of having their strengths pointed out and weakness highlighted. Most of us spend our heads buried in self-help books trying to right what we think is wrong with us. But the truth is that we are the worst judges of our own abilities. We many not think we have what it takes but sometimes, we are way more talented than we give ourselves credit for. Other times, you may also have your head stuck so far up in your skills that you do not notice a self-destructive pattern that always plays out. Perspective is all that matters.

Sometimes we are too in love with our own selves to realize the folly of our ways. Or at times we are too busy looking for the elusive pot of gold that we do not realize the treasure chest we always had inside us. It is the irony of life. The tragedy of a one-sided view. But when heaven is kind enough to send someone to talk some sense into you, swallow any ego or excuse that may start showing up and take in all you are being told. If you really listen, it will do you more good than a dozen self-help books.

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2014 in Philosophical me

 

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How An Amazing Relationship Really Feels Like.

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Jarrid Wison, a pastor, husband, author and preacher had an interesting article that got me thinking.Before I spew my thoughts, have a read of what he posted;
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On Jarrid’s blog post titled, “I’m Dating Someone Even Thought I’m Married,” he writes:

“I have a confession to make. I’m dating someone even though I’m married.

She’s an incredible girl. She’s beautiful, smart, cunning, strong, and has an immensely strong faith in God. I love to take her out to dinner, movies, local shows, and always tell her how beautiful she is. I can’t remember the last time I was mad at her for longer than five minutes, and her smile always seems to brighten up my day no matter the circumstances.

Sometimes she will visit me at work unannounced, make me an incredible lunch, or even surprise me with something she personally baked. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be dating someone even though I am married. I encourage you to try it and see what it can do for your life.

Oh! Did I mention the woman I am dating is my wife? What did you expect?

Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean your dating life should end.

I need to continue to date my wife even after I marry her. Pursuing my wife shouldn’t stop just because we both said, “I do.” Way too many times do I see relationships stop growing because people stop taking the initiative to pursue one another.

Dating is a time where you get to learn about someone in a special and unique way. Why would you want that to ever stop? It shouldn’t. Those butterflies you got on the first date shouldn’t stop just because the years have passed. Wake up each day and pursue your spouse as if you are still on your first few dates. You will see a drastic change for the better in your relationship.

When it comes to any relationship, communication and the action of constant pursuit is key. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to pursue them whole-heartedly.

I encourage you to date your spouse, pursue them whole-heartedly, and understand that dating shouldn’t end just because you said, “I do.”

– Jarrid Wilson”
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Simply touching. I have fallen in love with that couple. I read that post and I instantly knew the description of what I have always been looking for. I knew I always wanted my relationships and future marriage to be more than the usual drudgery or a consequence of obligation, but I never knew how to describe it for I didn’t have a template to read from. Now I do. I want exactly what Jarrid and wife have. That is what we call working at a relationship. People fight all the time over sharing of household chores, when they can’t remember the last time your partners smile made your heart skip a beat. People heckle over who will change the baby’s diapers when they can’t remember the last time they had some time alone to talk and enjoy their company.

If people have to fight, they should fight for love. The only true magic in this world is that which lights up your heart and makes this life worth living. Life can be a tedious bore when it becomes a series of repetitive events. When the magic fades out of it, then reason ceases to exist. Mindless ritual pales in comparison to heartfelt devotion. Even the Lord himself detests it.

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When it was said that two shall become one, I know it was not only in reference to their physical beings. If you fuse in emotion, in mind, in will and in direction, there will be no dull day. Each step will be in unison and each curve ball thrown will be handled together. That is true union. No ponnies and fairytales but companionship, loyalty and love. Pure unadulterated love. When all these things are in place, the other factors will automatically fall into place. Sex life, chores, in-laws, work and finances will no longer seem as daunting as before. It’s a spiral that begins with the correct foundation. Once the momentum is set, there is little that can stop them.

Such relationships do exist and they can exist. Blame the over commercialization of ‘dramatic’ relationships which are in essence bad relationships that treat companionship as a necessary stage of life like puberty. Puberty is inevitable but relationships are choices. Your’s will only be as good as you choose to make it. I choose to make mine divine.

 
 

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Forever I Do

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Where are you my love?
Are you the sun beam
Caressing my dainty cheek?
Are you the sweet dreams
That make me smile in my sleep?
Are you the warm longing
Rising in my gut when I wake?
Are you the wind in my hair,
The raw freedom I yearn for?

If you meet me in the street,
Would you know me from my eyes?
If you heard my voice
Would my very whisper excite you?
If I were around you,
Would you know me from my scent?

I know you are there,
it’s just a matter of time.
When time and chance agree,
you will be mine.
My perfect stranger and best friend
I haven’t met you and yet I know you.
Or maybe we’ve met
but the tide is not yet ripe,
My everyday friend laying in waiting.

So babe I will wait for you
Live my life the best way I know how
In anxious anticipation of forever
And the memories we’ll build together.
I know you’ll wait for me too love,
Waiting for the day we will say I do.

 
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Posted by on January 12, 2014 in Poetry

 

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