The Perfect Stranger

Just the other day, I met a guy. Very easy on the eye, well spoken, friendly and with a quick humor. His eyes were kind and his demeanor pleasant. A five minute conversation was all it took to get invested. The kind of people who feel like long time friends after a brief run in at the water cooler. Can’t help but wonder if I existed in another life, and they were part of it. Not just a part of it, but a pivotal part of it. Novels allude to this phenomena but we are prone to dismiss it as artistic license until it happens to you. Until you meet that perfect stranger and you are both in tune. Aware of the synergy of your beings as you keep up the small talk. And with a final glance you walk away secretly wishing for the chance to ‘bump’ into each other again.

It happens once in a while and more often than not, the second meeting does come. Then the third, and the fourth and countless others follow. As you both write your story, the ending entirely up to you. But, what if tomorrow never comes? What if the glance you shared as you walked away was the last you’d ever have? What if that perfect stranger will remain just that? Forever? What if fate never gave you the chance to make more memories?

Life is fleeting and time is a gift. A gift that we sometimes take for granted because we assume that we have tonnes of it left. While we are unwittingly close the end of road. Just one more step to the end. When young people our age die, why do we get so shocked? Why are we taken aback while we all know that death is our ultimate destination? Because we thought we have time. We have a time-bound existence and yet we crave eternity. The sand in the hour glass trickles down every fleeting moment and yet we choose to postpone most of our lives for a later day. An eventual moment in the future when we will finally do what we yearn or say what torments us.

So what of my perfect stranger? I just got the news of his demise. A road accident took him. Just like that. He was here and now he’s not. Like a trailer that never evolved into a movie. I think of what could have been and I become sad. The words that I wanted to say or the jokes I had already made up to share with him. When you meet a perfect stranger and never cross paths again, you secretly live with the hope of bumping into them. But if you learn that fate took them to a place that they can never feel again, you get crushed. I met him for 5 minutes so i feel that i don’t have the right to grieve. Yet I grieve. I grieve for his friends who loved him, for the family that lost him, for the roads he left untraveled, for the moments he left unexplored. I grieve for the lost of chance.

Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, to do what you will. Life is a rotating wheel so live it to the full before the momentum dies down and the wheel stops moving.

 

One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

Well, its been a loud silence regarding my one year no dating challenge. Many people keep asking if im still at it and i have finally decided to write.

First, I am still at it. Admittedly, the past two months have been the hardest. Not only in terms of no dating but also in other aspects of my life. But before I go further, I would just like to let it be known that I thank myself for the day i decided to dedicate the year to improving myself. It opens your eyes to faults and weaknesses that you didn’t even realize you had, as well as opening your eyes to amazing talents that you didn’t realize were staring at you.

Month 4 was an interesting blend of self discovery and intense temptation. Have you ever committed yourself to refrain from something and all of a sudden everyone around you wants to invite you to do exactly that? That was my 4th month. From old flings coming back full swing to taunt my newly acquired self control, to old crushes reappearing to confuse my emotions. I’m only human so it took every ounce of willpower i could muster to carry on with my 1 year voluntary pilgrimage. A few slip ups here and there but if I could move on, lets not dwell on that. As the month ended I realised that i never really knew them( the past men in my life). I was content with having someone to fill the gap that i didn’t bother to really know people. I missed out on the best side of them.

One of the things that has developed subconsciously during this challenge has been the ability to have meaningful conversations and to really connect with people. It was a skill I didn’t realize I lacked or  needed. I’m amazed at my newly acquired ease at conversing with people. Previously quite socially awkward, I sort of found my voice.  Sometimes we go through life unaware that we are listening to a voice that is not ours. We try to fashion our persona from a voice we think is “appropriate”. Never quite comfortable with the sound of our own voices. I’m not sure how many people can relate to this but if you do, then you can understand my elation at finally being comfortable with my own voice. Finally comfortable with my own opinions, with my own persona, with my own way of thinking, with my quirky personality. It is a continuous work in progress but i am well in and moving forward.

An interesting thing happens once you start really talking to people. They introduce you to an aspect of yourself that you did not realize you portrayed. Few realize that the way we see ourselves is hardly how others see us. You may be oblivious to the natural charm that you exude and send conflicting messages to an onlooker when you start doubting yourself and showcasing “closed” body language. I always thought i was an introvert, shy and socially awkward. What i have discovered in the past few months was that my supposed introverted shy persona was my romanticized description of my insecurities. Ever heard of an ambivert? That’s my personality. I have never felt so at home with a label as i did when i stumbled upon ambivert. An ambivert possesses both extrovert and introvert tendencies. Comfy and happy in social circles but also relishes alone time. Totally me.

Month 5 was a defining moment career wise and mentality wise. I hit my lowest low and gathered myself from the floor from scratch. It is a month I never want to re-live in my life. Ever! But oh boy did i learn. First i had it laid to me in plain daylight that although im talented, i cannot achieve anything substantial if i work in an autopilot robotic manner. I appreciated that talk. Having the truth laid bare is not a privilege i or anyone should take lightly. Sometimes we walk through life with our heads stuck too far up our asses to realize the folly of our ways. That was me and after i had sense slapped into my system from life and a boss who decided to talk to me because he didn’t want to see such potential go to waste, I knew something had to give. Something had to change drastically. You never really know that you have a sense of entitlement until you do. It’s just that simple.

This post has turned out to be a little too long but those two months have been such an eye opener that i couldnt help it. One more thing happened. I had my heart broken. How does a person who is not dating get their heart broken? Simple. My hopes were dashed. Ever had that person you thought was prince charming disappoint you so heavily that its’ no longer sad but funny? Yea. That happened. Im glad it did. I was sort off making myself perfect so that i could have him after the year is over. Don’t look at me like that. We all do silly things in the name of love. I know better now. This girl is growing up fast.

 

The tragedy of a half-hearted life

A great tragedy befell our country just last week when terrorist unleashed unknown terror to innocent shoppers at the Westgate mall. I was heartbroken and I even felt slightly guilty because I was busy having fun at the Safari Sevens rugby tournament as others were in anguish. But let me not lie, the rugby series was loads of mad fun! I had a great time and scream my voice hoarse.

Many people are outraged that there were prior intelligence reports on the impending attack and yet no one took any measures. I will not join the bandwagon that is pointing fingers and rebuking the government. Although the Government deserves every bit of scolding that they could get, I chose to take a more personal approach to this Westgate issue.

The take home lessons from this unfortunate incident are numerous. But the story that broke my heart and brought me to tears was that of the president’s late nephew and his late fiancée. A love wrought in heaven ending in a way so tragic. Two hearts destined to mesh together for life until death do them part. Little did they know that they would live to fulfil that vow even before they took it. Child hood friends who eventually fell in love just two years ago and had the type of love that few only dream about. The type that would inspire the most beautiful poetry and songs. Sort of divine in fact. Call me emotional but I’m even tearing up as I write this.

The president’s nephew, Mbugua, had just left his aunt’s house to announce the great news of their engagement and upcoming wedding before heading to Westgate to do some shopping with his fiancée. They were seated in one of the restaurants having Lunch before the terrorists struck. Mbugua died trying to shield his fiancée from the spraying bullets. The post-mortem shows that they died from bullet shots at the same spots on the chest indicating that they were embracing as they had their last moments. They were together even in death. Their impulse was to hold on to each other come what may. Close even when they knew that the end was neigh. Mbugua’s selflessness and bravado is reminiscent of a Kenyan Romeo and Juliet. A love so deep, that not even death could scare you.

I want to have that. I want to have someone who will love me so deeply that he would give his all for me. I want to love so sincerely that I can’t imagine my life without him. I want the same intensity. I want unbridled passion and devotion. I want what they had. How many times in life have you done something with so much intensity that if you stooped you’d get hurt by the sheer force of inertia? Our half-hearted approach to all of life’s’ dealings is our very undoing. Never really fully committing to a particular thing. Always saving a part of you for some unfathomed future that never seems to come. It’s the tragedy of living an experiment at a time, as opposed to a day at a time.

It’s more common than not, that we are constantly holding back. Sometimes it’s because of insecurities, laziness, passiveness, mediocrity, complacency or simply fear. It’s a daily tragedy when we live our lives half way always waiting for that elusive non-assured future. What if tomorrow will not come? What will they say about you? Will they remember you for your passion or be underwhelmed by your lack of enthusiasm?

I want to live with so much drive that it could tire me out. I want to live so passionately that I cannot dare to waste time on trivialities. I want that. It’s a great tragedy to live a life half-wit and only experience a glimpse of what life could be. Life is a self-made story and it will read exactly what you write in it daily.

As Mbugua Mwangi and his fiancé, Rosemary Wahito, were laid to rest next to each other, they will stand as the mark of the power of love, the beauty of commitment and the intensity of devotion. Your lives were short lived but your legacy will live on in the hearts of many. I may not have had the pleasure to meet you, but I will surely have the honour of immortalizing your legacy. RIP.

 

How much do you really need: embrace LEMO!

I am very excited over the fact that I will get to have own place just next month. I am finally moving out of those dreadful school hostels. It’s a wonder that I have never complained about them and dedicated a whole post just to say how wretched they are. Wait, i know why. I don’t like to depress myself with my own writing so I avoid depressing topics. Well,I found a nice little house for me at a safe place. I’d mention the place but I know that it is a bad idea to mention where you live online so i’ll pass. My quaint little house is one bed roomed and ideal for a first house. Now, the deal here is that I will actually have a living room but I do not have any furniture to my name. I would buy new ones but last time I checked I have more pressing needs like say rent, or food. So I do have more pressing priorities. Clearly. I do like sticking to my lane until I am blessed with the chance to shift to the faster lanes.

Since I have no intention of playing soccer in the living room empty space, I had to summon my creative energy to conjure a way to device seating that will not break the bank. I did a quick online search and i mostly found not so pretty looking second hand couches so I ditched that idea. Plus my mother did an excellent job of creeping me out by mentioning that some people are very dirty and they have lice in their hair and thus their couches. Eeeeewww!! I don’t care if that was true or not but the mental picture I created is not one I will forget anytime soon.

Thus I just sat and thought. Do we really need couches? Who decreed that couches are the living room staple? Who made them king anyway? The basic need in a sitting room is comfort, a provision for sitting and soft fabric. Right? When you come to think of it, you shall agree with me. A brilliant idea then struck me! How about cushions? They are soft, comfy and pretty to look at. Just buy a nice soft shaggy rag, place pillows strategically and voila! Houston, we have a solution! I took prompt action and lets just say I have some cushions ready and waiting to be sat on. This is actually borrowing a leaf from Moroccan Interior styles. They prefer low set sofas or an array of a colorful ensemble of pillows as sofas. Coupled with low lying coffee tables, the look is simply stunning. I absolutely love it. It is way more cost effective especially to first time tenants.

This little episode of my journey away from the nest just made me think of the lifestyles that we sometimes just mindlessly pick up. Why do we do what we do? What if we did it in a different way? The culture these days is to spurge and those who don’t somewhat feel like they fall short of something. I can’t deny falling under this one too many times. I still have my impulse clothes shopping to curb before it gets endemic. However I am well underway to free my mind from the chains of norms and to release myself into the realm of free choice and conscious living. The first step is to accept the existence of a problem before you can fix it.

I plan on embarking on a plan to narrow down things to just what I need. Do I really need fifteen pairs of shoes? Do I need all those clothes? I could point some that I haven’t worn in 3 months. I’d call it going minimalist but the word has a negative connotation and it will make me sound like someone with severe OCD trying to mask it, so I will call it the LEMO (Less is More) way of life. I have copyright rights to LEMO so i should not see that used anywhere else.Yes I am serious. I have big plans for LEMO. I will in fact make a new category in my blog dedicated to my endeavors in living LEMO. My rationale you ask? If you learn to live with just what you need, you will then save up enough to try out new things and actually enjoy living. Other than just struggling your way through it with a house 3/4 full of things you don’t need and hardly use.

Would you like to join my quest? or have you already started in your own way? Let the LEMO revolution begin. Kindly let me know below on your own personal measures or thoughts.I will truly appreciate it.

Sometimes less is truly more. Ask make up artists! (See the subtle jab in there?;))

 

Public relation nightmare

If Kenya was a brand I’d dread being its PR manager. Its like running an out of control circus with characters on both extremes of the spectrum. I love Kenya and its my homeland but at times i cringe at the very behavior of those affiliated to it.

Kenya is the home of brilliant minds and creative geniuses but a few stray bullets disgust me. Like this Alex Kinyua fellow. What in the world is going on in his deranged head? How would you eat a man’s heart? What is wrong with him? And his parents have opened an account to raise money for bail? Are they for real? How about we also release all mad men and make them CEOs while we’re at it? Unbelievable! Then we have the clowns we call leaders who make our IQ seem negligible. To crown it, we have irritated terrorists on our back, who explode buildings when they are bored.  In my opinion, when you pick your enemies, pick those with constructive hobbies like tree planting. Maybe then we would ensure reafforestation by pissing them off enough to send them on a tree planting frenzy and the Mau forest issues would be no more.

You want to know why its a nightmare? I remember this grand ambition of an impeccable city in the near future which needs trucks full of funding. These trucks won’t drive themselves here and we need to woo some people with fat wallets here. How then do we do that with all the negative vibe going on? Thank Heavens that Olympics are around the corner and I’m certain that our dear athletes will do us proud.It will do the country the much needed damage control.

Some people choose to live in ignorance and flow with the common place stereotypes of people that flat around. I have heard a from a few people who have had the chance of going to other countries and its a little on the silly and plain stupid side the types of questions that they have to respond to. Apparently the world thinks that all Kenyans are Shuka wearing, lion chasing and marathon winning people.  Oh, Not to forget the newly added past time of cannibalism!*rolling my eyes*. I am foreseeing visa trouble for people, especially those who want to travel to the USA. Americans can be a bit too paranoid for a bunch of people who give rise to some of the weirdest people and trends. I mean look at Illuminati! Rumor has it that it was born breed and spread there. i don’t know how true the rumor is but it is not my duty to confirm a rumor but to spread them if they further my agenda.

But when all is said and done, Kenya has done okay so far despite all the setbacks. Plus I am pretty sure we will do even better in future. If anyone has any ‘wise’ thing to say about Kenya, they will get a ready response before they can say the word Kenya from the more than eager bunch of lovely, sharp tongued and highly sarcastic Kenyans on twitter #KOT. I guess we do have a PR strategy after all!

 

You either got it or you don’t

Some things seem so normal and obvious until we almost automatically expect to get things flowing smoothly. that is until the day that it will be taken away. Humans are creatures of habit and they may sometimes be too preoccupied in auto pilot mode that they forget to look out for the towers ahead that could rip things apart. not really literally. i just mean that thing would not be so nice and rosy. Maybe i should start being a little dramatic in my descriptions and say things like it shall gorge out your very heart from the rib cage, shred your hopes to a whiff of smoke, tread on your hopes until all you have is specks of dust. I probably sound like the overly aggressive African American mothers that i see on movies who say things like ” I’m gonna whoop you so hard that your hips gonna spin.” Really? isn’t that a bit too extreme? Coming form me, who has grown up with similarly terrorizing parents, then you should think that it is extreme.

Speaking of upbringing, before i even envision kids in my future, i will sit and formulate a way to make them super adults when am done with them. i turned pretty good but I’d like to leave out the inborn diva trait in me. it isn’t bad at all, if i could say so myself, but there’s only room for so many of us. Especially not in the same household. We’d probably fight endlessly or become bosom friends… Why am i talking of motherhood dreams? Brrrr…..( cold shiver) Am probably aging faster that i think. maybe i should go for a botox shot while am at it.

Before i severely digressed, I was saying that things matter more when you loose hem or loose a bit of it for a while. For instance, i recently got a thoroughly annoying and intense flu. i literally thought that my head would explode and i had the constant urge to sleep or slap something. i did the former of course. I don’t like initiating physical encounters because i am usually not man enough to finish them. Well, am not a man to begin with, so no remorse. After two days of sleep and hot fluids, i felt like i was alive again. I felt the kind of joy that a person feels when you get your first job. I wouldn’t know how it feels because i haven’t ever had a first job but i imagine that is what it feels like. if i had money lying around, i would have probably thrown a bash. but you get my drift. i was so accustomed to waking up nice and healthy that i thought good health was normal.

If you watch the news, then i do not need to explain to you the dire effect that the abnormally heavy rain has had on many parts of Kenya. I live in one of them. Ongata Rongai. just incase you don’t watch news and the only thing you read is face book, let me fill you in. in rongai. a torrent seasonal river burst its banks and was flowing on a road. It swept away a car and killed all the three passengers on board. Do you want to know something interesting? I was at that river on that very night the tragedy happened. i dint see it happen but i had enough drama to last me a while. Its a long story but in short we wited for the water levels to subside for close to four hours. a brave guy was the first to attempt to cross and when he got through. people held hands and crossed as groups it was like seeing an episode of lost. I was almost in disbelief and wondering if it was actually happening or not. I was in the company of some ladies from church who had given me a lift. We finally crossed when the small personal cars had started passing and got home in no time. Getting home is usually no big occasion, but on that day i felt as i had accomplished something substantial.

Sometimes i think i have had quite a generous share of tragedy and trials but i got a new way of looking at it. i have had lots of opportunities to show me that there is someone high above looking out for me and that my time here is not yet done. Before you learn to appreciate the small things in life, then you haven,t really lived yet.