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One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

Well, its been a loud silence regarding my one year no dating challenge. Many people keep asking if im still at it and i have finally decided to write.

First, I am still at it. Admittedly, the past two months have been the hardest. Not only in terms of no dating but also in other aspects of my life. But before I go further, I would just like to let it be known that I thank myself for the day i decided to dedicate the year to improving myself. It opens your eyes to faults and weaknesses that you didn’t even realize you had, as well as opening your eyes to amazing talents that you didn’t realize were staring at you.

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Month 4 was an interesting blend of self discovery and intense temptation. Have you ever committed yourself to refrain from something and all of a sudden everyone around you wants to invite you to do exactly that? That was my 4th month. From old flings coming back full swing to taunt my newly acquired self control, to old crushes reappearing to confuse my emotions. I’m only human so it took every ounce of willpower i could muster to carry on with my 1 year voluntary pilgrimage. A few slip ups here and there but if I could move on, lets not dwell on that. As the month ended I realised that i never really knew them( the past men in my life). I was content with having someone to fill the gap that i didn’t bother to really know people. I missed out on the best side of them.

One of the things that has developed subconsciously during this challenge has been the ability to have meaningful conversations and to really connect with people. It was a skill I didn’t realize I lacked or  needed. I’m amazed at my newly acquired ease at conversing with people. Previously quite socially awkward, I sort of found my voice.  Sometimes we go through life unaware that we are listening to a voice that is not ours. We try to fashion our persona from a voice we think is “appropriate”. Never quite comfortable with the sound of our own voices. I’m not sure how many people can relate to this but if you do, then you can understand my elation at finally being comfortable with my own voice. Finally comfortable with my own opinions, with my own persona, with my own way of thinking, with my quirky personality. It is a continuous work in progress but i am well in and moving forward.

An interesting thing happens once you start really talking to people. They introduce you to an aspect of yourself that you did not realize you portrayed. Few realize that the way we see ourselves is hardly how others see us. You may be oblivious to the natural charm that you exude and send conflicting messages to an onlooker when you start doubting yourself and showcasing “closed” body language. I always thought i was an introvert, shy and socially awkward. What i have discovered in the past few months was that my supposed introverted shy persona was my romanticized description of my insecurities. Ever heard of an ambivert? That’s my personality. I have never felt so at home with a label as i did when i stumbled upon ambivert. An ambivert possesses both extrovert and introvert tendencies. Comfy and happy in social circles but also relishes alone time. Totally me.

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Month 5 was a defining moment career wise and mentality wise. I hit my lowest low and gathered myself from the floor from scratch. It is a month I never want to re-live in my life. Ever! But oh boy did i learn. First i had it laid to me in plain daylight that although im talented, i cannot achieve anything substantial if i work in an autopilot robotic manner. I appreciated that talk. Having the truth laid bare is not a privilege i or anyone should take lightly. Sometimes we walk through life with our heads stuck too far up our asses to realize the folly of our ways. That was me and after i had sense slapped into my system from life and a boss who decided to talk to me because he didn’t want to see such potential go to waste, I knew something had to give. Something had to change drastically. You never really know that you have a sense of entitlement until you do. It’s just that simple.

This post has turned out to be a little too long but those two months have been such an eye opener that i couldnt help it. One more thing happened. I had my heart broken. How does a person who is not dating get their heart broken? Simple. My hopes were dashed. Ever had that person you thought was prince charming disappoint you so heavily that its’ no longer sad but funny? Yea. That happened. Im glad it did. I was sort off making myself perfect so that i could have him after the year is over. Don’t look at me like that. We all do silly things in the name of love. I know better now. This girl is growing up fast.

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2014 in One-year dating challenge

 

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Life Lessons From A Movie

Life Lessons From A Movie

I’m not your average movie buff who’s on the heels of new Hollywood releases and always has an up to date movie library. Nope. I am that friend who comes for your movie collection and binge watches them on a weekend or on days that I would rather be indoors and chill. I’m the binge movie buff. The movie fanatic with no regard for release timelines. As long as it’s a great story, I don’t really care if the movie was produced by Flinstones.

During a recent binge, I watched the movie ‘Internship’. A movie where two sales men lose their jobs in an economic downturn and they have to look for a new career path. In their middle ages, the men’s skills are irrelevant and archaic in the technological age. One of them stumbles upon an internship call from Google and they get into the program after an incredibly entertaining Skype interview and a few convenient lies. They rise against insurmountable odds to become the winning team and eventually joining the amazing Google team. An incredulous mix of sugar, spice and great laughs, you ought to watch the movie if you already haven’t.

Sometimes life is like a car ride. It can be smooth and fast. But sometimes, you can be thrown out of the windshield and get a nice couple of stitches to remind you of the time your head almost split in two. But will that stop you from getting back on the wheel and driving on? Hell no. Life moves on. So If life moves on, what is the need of getting back on half-hearted, walking on egg-shells and walking half scared of your own shadow? If you got to do it, do it with all you got. Do it as if it’s the last thing you will ever do.

This was my take away lesson from the movie. It spoke to a part of me that has been receiving some major reality check in the past few days. Few people get the chance to have reality spelt out for them. Few people have the privilege of having their strengths pointed out and weakness highlighted. Most of us spend our heads buried in self-help books trying to right what we think is wrong with us. But the truth is that we are the worst judges of our own abilities. We many not think we have what it takes but sometimes, we are way more talented than we give ourselves credit for. Other times, you may also have your head stuck so far up in your skills that you do not notice a self-destructive pattern that always plays out. Perspective is all that matters.

Sometimes we are too in love with our own selves to realize the folly of our ways. Or at times we are too busy looking for the elusive pot of gold that we do not realize the treasure chest we always had inside us. It is the irony of life. The tragedy of a one-sided view. But when heaven is kind enough to send someone to talk some sense into you, swallow any ego or excuse that may start showing up and take in all you are being told. If you really listen, it will do you more good than a dozen self-help books.

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2014 in Philosophical me

 

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