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One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

Well, its been a loud silence regarding my one year no dating challenge. Many people keep asking if im still at it and i have finally decided to write.

First, I am still at it. Admittedly, the past two months have been the hardest. Not only in terms of no dating but also in other aspects of my life. But before I go further, I would just like to let it be known that I thank myself for the day i decided to dedicate the year to improving myself. It opens your eyes to faults and weaknesses that you didn’t even realize you had, as well as opening your eyes to amazing talents that you didn’t realize were staring at you.

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Month 4 was an interesting blend of self discovery and intense temptation. Have you ever committed yourself to refrain from something and all of a sudden everyone around you wants to invite you to do exactly that? That was my 4th month. From old flings coming back full swing to taunt my newly acquired self control, to old crushes reappearing to confuse my emotions. I’m only human so it took every ounce of willpower i could muster to carry on with my 1 year voluntary pilgrimage. A few slip ups here and there but if I could move on, lets not dwell on that. As the month ended I realised that i never really knew them( the past men in my life). I was content with having someone to fill the gap that i didn’t bother to really know people. I missed out on the best side of them.

One of the things that has developed subconsciously during this challenge has been the ability to have meaningful conversations and to really connect with people. It was a skill I didn’t realize I lacked or  needed. I’m amazed at my newly acquired ease at conversing with people. Previously quite socially awkward, I sort of found my voice.  Sometimes we go through life unaware that we are listening to a voice that is not ours. We try to fashion our persona from a voice we think is “appropriate”. Never quite comfortable with the sound of our own voices. I’m not sure how many people can relate to this but if you do, then you can understand my elation at finally being comfortable with my own voice. Finally comfortable with my own opinions, with my own persona, with my own way of thinking, with my quirky personality. It is a continuous work in progress but i am well in and moving forward.

An interesting thing happens once you start really talking to people. They introduce you to an aspect of yourself that you did not realize you portrayed. Few realize that the way we see ourselves is hardly how others see us. You may be oblivious to the natural charm that you exude and send conflicting messages to an onlooker when you start doubting yourself and showcasing “closed” body language. I always thought i was an introvert, shy and socially awkward. What i have discovered in the past few months was that my supposed introverted shy persona was my romanticized description of my insecurities. Ever heard of an ambivert? That’s my personality. I have never felt so at home with a label as i did when i stumbled upon ambivert. An ambivert possesses both extrovert and introvert tendencies. Comfy and happy in social circles but also relishes alone time. Totally me.

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Month 5 was a defining moment career wise and mentality wise. I hit my lowest low and gathered myself from the floor from scratch. It is a month I never want to re-live in my life. Ever! But oh boy did i learn. First i had it laid to me in plain daylight that although im talented, i cannot achieve anything substantial if i work in an autopilot robotic manner. I appreciated that talk. Having the truth laid bare is not a privilege i or anyone should take lightly. Sometimes we walk through life with our heads stuck too far up our asses to realize the folly of our ways. That was me and after i had sense slapped into my system from life and a boss who decided to talk to me because he didn’t want to see such potential go to waste, I knew something had to give. Something had to change drastically. You never really know that you have a sense of entitlement until you do. It’s just that simple.

This post has turned out to be a little too long but those two months have been such an eye opener that i couldnt help it. One more thing happened. I had my heart broken. How does a person who is not dating get their heart broken? Simple. My hopes were dashed. Ever had that person you thought was prince charming disappoint you so heavily that its’ no longer sad but funny? Yea. That happened. Im glad it did. I was sort off making myself perfect so that i could have him after the year is over. Don’t look at me like that. We all do silly things in the name of love. I know better now. This girl is growing up fast.

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Posted by on May 21, 2014 in One-year dating challenge

 

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Social media truths

 

I spend a considerable amount of time on social media sites thus i can definitely draw some conclusive facts about them. these are things that i have learnt the hard way or through other peoples’ behaviour. So here are tidbits that will definitely make your social media experience more pleasurable. That is if you care( its okay not to care. Its a free world, isn’t it?)

1. Master the art of talking aloud

Truth is that the most interesting tweeds or face bookers are those who have mastered the art of monologues whether they realise it or not. Thanks to social media, its no longer crazy to talk to yourself! On the contrary it is cool. Well, just as long as your thoughts are interesting and engaging enough. Otherwise keep them to yourself.

2.Have a personality

Copying other people not only shows lack of creativity but absence of the sense of individuality. Nothing sells more than being unique and nothing is more unique than your authentic self. Not that you shouldn’t re-tweet or share another person’s post, no, that will just be cruel to deny the world some needed cheer. The best you can be is yourself. If you are an excellent story teller then go ahead and bombard the world with your concocted stories.

3. Work on your profile

I believe that the same effort that you put into looking presentable should be put into enhancing your profile.Since people can’t see you, your profile is their first impression and insight into who you might be. like it or not. So if you want your profile to look like a colouring book, its perfectly fine. Its your image anyway. If you can’t work on your profile, don’t join the site. Remember that a little effort goes a long way.

4.Grow a tough skin

Fact: Not everyone will like you for whatever their reason.

Solution: Who cares? Its their loss.

To me, this is the most important fact that I have learnt that could even cancel out some of what I said earlier. Learn not to care. So what if some one unfollows you, or unfriends you? So what if i don’t like you profile, its yours isn’t it? A little conceit isn’t bad at all. Its a short life and its best lived happy. Stay where you are celebrated not tolerated.

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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