Its a weird title. I know, but I used it for a reason. Lately, change has been the order of the day in my life. Some easy and some not so easy.Others tough, some enlightening and welcome. You see, I discovered that I have severe commitment phobia so when decided to take up dating it came as a shock to me and those who know me as well. So I don’t even know why I am shocked that my little make believe ‘fairytale’ ended as fast as it began. Maybe its the unsaid words, the lingering uncertainty, the secrets creeping in the closets, the hidden fears and concerns that we care not to share. I don’t know. Maybe I do but I refuse to admit it. Ever since I listened to a spoken word piece by an insanely talented poet Jeanette titled “I will Wait for you”, I had lingering doubts of him. I never told anyone but I did. I guess God saved me the trouble of finding out the hard way by making a path out that doesn’t hurt anyone involved. Or maybe am too sarcastic to date?
Its a universal headache. The question of love and companionship. A basic human need that has been turned into the basic human headache that can haunt and kill in the same degree that it can please and make liven. Living has seized to be an adventure but a tedious pain in the groin. The few moments of magic have been reduced to ritualistic expectations. The simple ability to enjoy a cool breeze, to soak in the luscious sun rays, to marvel at the awesome sites of nature sucked into oblivion. Sometimes the world is more beautiful when you close your eyes because at least then you can envision what your heart desires.
I don’t know if it is just me but I have this notion of eternity and that you will meet the very person that you dissed earlier in you life and you will wish that you were nicer to them. These thoughts haunt me sometimes that I let my interests take a back seat and let others have the front seat. The good thing about me is that I eventually wake up and then come back guns blazing. Probably why I am told that sometimes I may come off as a teed bit too aggressive. Its an opinion and we are all entitled to our own opinions. My theory holds some water although of late i have learnt that not all the people we meet are meant to be in your future so don’t be afraid to let go. Sometimes we flip the pages of life in auto pilot mode that we may be slipping away but have no idea. Sometimes we stumble upon a good thing and it stays on for long. Other times we just hit a good spot but it vaporizes just as fast as it left. If you ask me, (I was going to give my opinion anyway even if you didn’t ask) the brief moments didn’t really exist but were tangible illusions. Humans have the innate ability to literally build mansions in mid air and believe in them. The only thing that prevents us from being delusional is the fragment of sanity. That’s why geniuses are usually though to have a percentage of dementia that allows previously unfathomable ideas to form and develop in their heads. Then again, there are the extreme cases of mad men who see aliens in the wind and falling skies. That type of people belong in an asylum or in movies for comic effect. Disclaimer: I might have a fluctuating sadistic sense of humor so it is, by all means, funny when I see a mad man steadily pointing at a point in the sky as if he has just stumbled upon his guardian angel peering down at him.
Its life so keep on flipping the pages. You might just find something worth keeping.