Tomorrow is father’s day and its in celebration of fathers. However i dont know whether i should celebrate it or just blatantly ignore it. Sometimes i look at you and i want to cry and other times i look at you and rage swells inside me. All i ever wanted was for you to be there for me but was that too much to ask for. I cant deny that i am hurt and wounded by who you are or more of who you are not. I really wish you knew me. You would actually like me. Am so much like you. But you hardly know me, who i am or what am good at. That is probably why am blogging this because you have no idea i have a blog, nor that i love writing.
It is said that its better the bird in hand than two in the bush so am thankful for you. I got your genes,both good and bad. Where do you think my sturbbon nature comes from? Atleast i have my dad alive. Though sometimes i think life without you would be better. I used to pray for you everyday but i stopped when i was old enough to understand that behaviour is a choice not an accident. Ironically ur name means laughter but you hardly do that. I wish you lived up to your name. Its so nice when you are happy.
This is my attempt to forgive you and let go of all the times you made me cry. If miracles really do happen, and i know they do, may God open your eyes before its too late. I wish i could tell you all this but yot know how you are. I have tried to numb my pain in many ways and even looked for love in all the wrong places. But in doing that i only hurt me so i want to release my pain so that i am free. I wish you a happy father’s out of obligation and because deep down ,though id never admit it,i do love you.
From daddy’s little girl,who isn’t little anymore.