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The Perfect Stranger

The Perfect Stranger

Just the other day, I met a guy. Very easy on the eye, well spoken, friendly and with a quick humor. His eyes were kind and his demeanor pleasant. A five minute conversation was all it took to get invested. The kind of people who feel like long time friends after a brief run in at the water cooler. Can’t help but wonder if I existed in another life, and they were part of it. Not just a part of it, but a pivotal part of it. Novels allude to this phenomena but we are prone to dismiss it as artistic license until it happens to you. Until you meet that perfect stranger and you are both in tune. Aware of the synergy of your beings as you keep up the small talk. And with a final glance you walk away secretly wishing for the chance to ‘bump’ into each other again.

It happens once in a while and more often than not, the second meeting does come. Then the third, and the fourth and countless others follow. As you both write your story, the ending entirely up to you. But, what if tomorrow never comes? What if the glance you shared as you walked away was the last you’d ever have? What if that perfect stranger will remain just that? Forever? What if fate never gave you the chance to make more memories?

Life is fleeting and time is a gift. A gift that we sometimes take for granted because we assume that we have tonnes of it left. While we are unwittingly close the end of road. Just one more step to the end. When young people our age die, why do we get so shocked? Why are we taken aback while we all know that death is our ultimate destination? Because we thought we have time. We have a time-bound existence and yet we crave eternity. The sand in the hour glass trickles down every fleeting moment and yet we choose to postpone most of our lives for a later day. An eventual moment in the future when we will finally do what we yearn or say what torments us.

So what of my perfect stranger? I just got the news of his demise. A road accident took him. Just like that. He was here and now he’s not. Like a trailer that never evolved into a movie. I think of what could have been and I become sad. The words that I wanted to say or the jokes I had already made up to share with him. When you meet a perfect stranger and never cross paths again, you secretly live with the hope of bumping into them. But if you learn that fate took them to a place that they can never feel again, you get crushed. I met him for 5 minutes so i feel that i don’t have the right to grieve. Yet I grieve. I grieve for his friends who loved him, for the family that lost him, for the roads he left untraveled, for the moments he left unexplored. I grieve for the lost of chance.

Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, to do what you will. Life is a rotating wheel so live it to the full before the momentum dies down and the wheel stops moving.

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Posted by on September 3, 2015 in Philosophical me

 

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The Truth About The One Year No Dating Challenge; Unveiled

The Truth About The One Year No Dating Challenge; Unveiled

I’m back. I wasn’t gone anywhere in particular besides hiding behind a veil. I had pledged accountability but I decided to take the easier route. Silence. Silence slits like a knife because it’s implication is loud(ironic) and clear. Silence speaks right to the soul as words form themselves from the pulses of night. Silence is the weapon of choice when words cannot save you. But silence is also the bounty of the cowardice.

I did not finish the one-year challenge. (I like to rip the bandage right off) I got to month 9 and my hormones got the better of me. More accurately, I let them get the better of me. Hormones do not posses the ability to hold a gun to your resolve and yet they did. I helped set the gun in place. I rushed and I fell in supposed love and the vow to myself was broken. Just like that. Was I disappointed? Yes? But I lied to myself that it was worth it. It’s the folly of humanity. We fail ourselves more than we would care to admit and we blame fate for our misfortunes.

The very premise of the one year challenge is to get to a place where we are absolutely comfortable with ourselves that we are ready to allow someone else into our lives. But what if your inner self scares you? What if the silence, the questions, the fears, the tears all frighten you to avoidance? What if your past taunts you and you don’t want to relive the horror? What if your mind needs the release but you are afraid of what will be left if it does? Is there enough of you left after all the junk is gone? Is there an exit left or are all exists tightly sealed out of a habit of building walls?

healing-woman

Scaling up walls you have created for years is no easy task. Nor is finding the courage to tear it down and let your heart bleed it’s way to wellness. But if we do not do it or learn from our past, we are bound to be stuck in the same hamster wheel and run in circles forever. Once we refuse to pause, reflect and learn from situations, they are bound to repeat themselves. Worst of all, when we rely on ourselves to change us we er. It’s like trying to shine windows with a floor rug. Bishop T.D Jakes said that how can you possibly give yourself to someone if you do not even know what you are giving? How also can you pick a helper suitable for you if you do not know yourself enough to realize what is suitable or not?

11 months later with a heartbreak to boot, I am back to square one. I shall not lie and say that I shall start the challenge again but what I am determined to do is to find the lesson in the mess. The lesson I had missed in the first place that led me back to square one. I thought that I had found what I was looking for but sometimes a wish list is just that. A wish. We may be delusional in what we think we need in life. I know I shall have a spectacular life and for this reason I wish to find a partner in crime. I shall not settle on my idea of ideal but I shall pray that God will reveal to me the full potential of the girl he packed in this small frame. Have you ever felt a sense of predestination that scares you? A sense of destiny that overwhelms you? I do, and I frankly hope that my life turns out just as awesome as it is in the dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night.

To all those who are doing the challenge, keep at it. Don’t let your desires get the better of you. You are stronger than you think. Plus, friends are your gift from God. Cultivate friendships that are true. Treasure those who care for you and grow a support system that will hold you up when you are feeling down. When you stray and your friends still come to your aid, hold on to them. Such friends are rare. Everybody is consumed by their own problems that they forget to reach out to others. Better yet, be a great friend. Because life is not about about what you have but whom you have. You may fall and it’s alright. Cry and do what you must, then rise back up again. Because everyday is a chance to start again. To start a new journey.

Healing-Journey-2-1

 

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So Move

The thing with inertia
Is that it’s comfortable
until it’s not
The stagnant thought
The tranquil act
Subtle songs
Brittle brawls
Hiding in corners
Covering flaws

Move
Even if it kills you
Move
Let it scare you stiff
But darn it just move
Let it carry you to  your worst nightmare
Release the reins
Let life happen
Control is an illusion
The stuff that let’s you sleep at night
But you never really control anything
Your hunch was just in sync with fate

Move
when you stop
you torment your very soul
Don’t let your fire swell and burst in angry flames
Let it propel you
Let it drive you to heights unfathomed
Let it ram you against a wall
Let it pass you atop a bed of hot coals

Move
Let the heat of your passion infect the world
Let your mind shout it’s brilliance
Let your veins sing of their bravery
Let your skin boast of kisses from lands afar

Move
Love and be loved
Savor every embrace
Hold dear to those that care
For life is the sum total of  moments
Moments that make your heart smile
Moments that make your belly dance

Life is beautiful if you let it
but you have to move
Because no matter how much you crane your neck
You’ll only see as much as your eyes can carry you
So move
Move and experience it
Don’t sit and wither off
You only live if you move
So move.

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

10 Seconds In Heaven:

This idea came up when i took some colleagues outside for a smoke. I don’t smoke, just in case you’re wondering, but apparently I have developed a love of watching people darken their lungs. I’m kidding.

As they partook in further depleting the Ozone layer, one of them flashed back to a moment he saw a stunning lady at a lounge. She was Muslim and clad in their characteristic Hijab…

Graceful in her manner,she sat down and let the Hijab slide down to reveal her luscious locks and breathtaking features. If it was deliberate it was flawless. If it wasn’t she had a finesse and fluidity that cannot be taught. She reached out for a cigarette. My colleague, lets call him Jazz, was now unabashedly fixated on her.

A little stunned by the fact that she smokes, Jazz looked on at his new object of curiosity. Cleopatra would have been proud of miss mysterious obsession. Holding the cigarette with her dainty fingers, she lit it in one swift movement and took in her first huff. Her puff was perfect if there is such a thing. Her expression remained flawless and not a single feature contoured. For a moment, Jazz wished he could be the cigarette. For that brief interlude, be the recipient of her delicate movements. Those few blissful seconds shifting between her finger and lips.

From that tale was born the cigarette poem. It was a challenge actually. I’m not one to turn down a good challenge so here goes.

If your cigarette could speak, what would it say to you? Drum roll… here goes. Share your thoughts below.

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10 Seconds In Heaven

beautiful-beautiful-girl-black-and-white-blondew-bow-Favim.com-264919

As your dainty fingers take me

My insides get tingly

In the heat of your lighter

I delight in burning for you

I only experience you for a few seconds

but that is more than enough

 

I wonder why you sit alone

a beauty like you should never be by herself.

but, I am here.

I will keep you company

cloud your air with smoke

like a sequel to a concert

the stage is set

for those few enthralling seconds

I will be your sole focus

and i will fill you

 

For that moment i will be your only worry

i might not be good for you

but i understand you

i am a part of your life

sometimes an escape

other times a habit developed

 

But in those 10 seconds

in the oscillations between your lips and fingers

i am yours and you are mine

we are one

and the world is fine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2014 in Philosophical me, Poetry

 

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Still Alive To Me

Maya-Angelou-Quotes-2

The walk of life can be daunting

More so for a little scared girl

Looking for her path

Searching for meaning

Longing for understanding

But she found solace

In words.

Found hope in writing

Felt at home in her thoughts

When she got lost in the words you span.

 

Though worlds apart

I felt it.

Each time your spoke,

I melted.

The lines you wrote

I inhaled them.

My oblivious soul sister

Related only by the stroke of the pen.

 

You carried me through my roughest patches

We never met but I felt like I knew you

Found traces of my life

Fragments of my thoughts

A bunch of my fears

And a lot of happy tears

From your work

 

Even if you’re gone

In my heart you live on

I’m honored to have shared in your words

I’m blessed to have bathed in your wisdom

Though I never met you,

And oh how I wish I did,

I’ve always loved you

So rest in peace,

Dr. Maya Angelou.

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 28, 2014 in Poetry

 

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One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

One Year No Dating Challenge: Month 4 and 5

Well, its been a loud silence regarding my one year no dating challenge. Many people keep asking if im still at it and i have finally decided to write.

First, I am still at it. Admittedly, the past two months have been the hardest. Not only in terms of no dating but also in other aspects of my life. But before I go further, I would just like to let it be known that I thank myself for the day i decided to dedicate the year to improving myself. It opens your eyes to faults and weaknesses that you didn’t even realize you had, as well as opening your eyes to amazing talents that you didn’t realize were staring at you.

four
Month 4 was an interesting blend of self discovery and intense temptation. Have you ever committed yourself to refrain from something and all of a sudden everyone around you wants to invite you to do exactly that? That was my 4th month. From old flings coming back full swing to taunt my newly acquired self control, to old crushes reappearing to confuse my emotions. I’m only human so it took every ounce of willpower i could muster to carry on with my 1 year voluntary pilgrimage. A few slip ups here and there but if I could move on, lets not dwell on that. As the month ended I realised that i never really knew them( the past men in my life). I was content with having someone to fill the gap that i didn’t bother to really know people. I missed out on the best side of them.

One of the things that has developed subconsciously during this challenge has been the ability to have meaningful conversations and to really connect with people. It was a skill I didn’t realize I lacked or  needed. I’m amazed at my newly acquired ease at conversing with people. Previously quite socially awkward, I sort of found my voice.  Sometimes we go through life unaware that we are listening to a voice that is not ours. We try to fashion our persona from a voice we think is “appropriate”. Never quite comfortable with the sound of our own voices. I’m not sure how many people can relate to this but if you do, then you can understand my elation at finally being comfortable with my own voice. Finally comfortable with my own opinions, with my own persona, with my own way of thinking, with my quirky personality. It is a continuous work in progress but i am well in and moving forward.

An interesting thing happens once you start really talking to people. They introduce you to an aspect of yourself that you did not realize you portrayed. Few realize that the way we see ourselves is hardly how others see us. You may be oblivious to the natural charm that you exude and send conflicting messages to an onlooker when you start doubting yourself and showcasing “closed” body language. I always thought i was an introvert, shy and socially awkward. What i have discovered in the past few months was that my supposed introverted shy persona was my romanticized description of my insecurities. Ever heard of an ambivert? That’s my personality. I have never felt so at home with a label as i did when i stumbled upon ambivert. An ambivert possesses both extrovert and introvert tendencies. Comfy and happy in social circles but also relishes alone time. Totally me.

fun-5
Month 5 was a defining moment career wise and mentality wise. I hit my lowest low and gathered myself from the floor from scratch. It is a month I never want to re-live in my life. Ever! But oh boy did i learn. First i had it laid to me in plain daylight that although im talented, i cannot achieve anything substantial if i work in an autopilot robotic manner. I appreciated that talk. Having the truth laid bare is not a privilege i or anyone should take lightly. Sometimes we walk through life with our heads stuck too far up our asses to realize the folly of our ways. That was me and after i had sense slapped into my system from life and a boss who decided to talk to me because he didn’t want to see such potential go to waste, I knew something had to give. Something had to change drastically. You never really know that you have a sense of entitlement until you do. It’s just that simple.

This post has turned out to be a little too long but those two months have been such an eye opener that i couldnt help it. One more thing happened. I had my heart broken. How does a person who is not dating get their heart broken? Simple. My hopes were dashed. Ever had that person you thought was prince charming disappoint you so heavily that its’ no longer sad but funny? Yea. That happened. Im glad it did. I was sort off making myself perfect so that i could have him after the year is over. Don’t look at me like that. We all do silly things in the name of love. I know better now. This girl is growing up fast.

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2014 in One-year dating challenge

 

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Say Something…

love-sick1
Say something
move your lips just do something
i die each day
everytime you leave me in the blue
i tossed many clues
but in your indifference
crushed my hopes under your shoe

i always adored you,
its true
the heart only flows to the rythmn of its own beat
and you were my perfect melody
but each time we came close to a happy ending,
the tempo changes
and the chorus brings tears
heart wrenching tears

My heart is tired of waiting
the wells run dry
devoid of any feeling
numb with despair
hardened by pain

say something
for one foot is out the door
say something
before i close this chapter
say something
for all i need is you
say something
because im giving up on you.

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2014 in Poetry